of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need

Sometimes to stop a problem behavior you need to prescribe the problem behavior. Much like vaccination where a little bit of the disease is injected into the system to help the system build immunity, paradoxical intervention promotes a little bad behavior in the hopes of ending it.

For example, let’s say two siblings are fighting; not serious fighting but verbal name calling and maybe some pinching and pushing. Normally, the parent would tell them to stop it and that usually only works for a few minutes, at best. So, instead of telling the siblings to stop, the parent suggests a set time and place where they can engage in that behavior for a limited period of time. A space needs to be created, let’s say the garage or playroom. A timer is needed – as is a referee. The idea is to allow the siblings to engage in this behavior for, say, 20 minutes. There must be rules such as no hitting, spitting, throwing hard objects, etc. Rules for what they can do are also established: they may be allowed to name call, yell, and maybe even throw pillows. In fact, it can be arranged to be a pillow fight with the same conditions and guidelines. The siblings need to be included in making the rules. They are allowed to engage in this behavior without punishment or reprimand.

Another example: let’s say a child is overeating. Instead of trying to limit the amount of food being eaten, try paradoxical intervention by offering extra food. If the child is eating a whole bag of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need m

name calling and maybe some pinching and pushing. Normally, the parent would tell them to stop it and that usually only works for a few minutes, at best. So, instead of telling the siblings to stop, the parent suggests a set time and place where they can engage in that behavior for a limited period of time. A space needs to be created, let’s say the garage or playroom. A timer is needed – as is a referee. The idea is to allow the siblings to engage in this behavior for, say, 20 minutes. There must be rules such as no hitting, spitting, throwing hard objects, etc. Rules for what they can do are also established: they may be allowed to name call, yell, and maybe even throw pillows. In fact, it can be arranged to be a pillow fight with the same conditions and guidelines. The siblings need to be included in making the rules. They are allowed to engage in this behavior without punishment or reprimand.

Another example: let’s say a child is overeating. Instead of trying to limit the amount of food being eaten, try paradoxical intervention by offering extra food. If the child is eating a whole bag of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need

A timer is needed – as is a referee. The idea is to allow the siblings to engage in this behavior for, say, 20 minutes. There must be rules such as no hitting, spitting, throwing hard objects, etc. Rules for what they can do are also established: they may be allowed to name call, yell, and maybe even throw pillows. In fact, it can be arranged to be a pillow fight with the same conditions and guidelines. The siblings need to be included in making the rules. They are allowed to engage in this behavior without punishment or reprimand.

Another example: let’s say a child is overeating. Instead of trying to limit the amount of food being eaten, try paradoxical intervention by offering extra food. If the child is eating a whole bag of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need

the same conditions and guidelines. The siblings need to be included in making the rules. They are allowed to engage in this behavior without punishment or reprimand.

Another example: let’s say a child is overeating. Instead of trying to limit the amount of food being eaten, try paradoxical intervention by offering extra food. If the child is eating a whole bag of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need

of potato chips, offer another bag. Here the idea is to have the child eventually refuse the food offered. If this is kept up, the child will be refusing more and more and that may help establish the behavior of saying no to extra food.

In every single case, children engage in behaviors for a reason and most of the time that reason is to fulfill a need. The need may be attention, it may be love, it may be a way of expressing anger, and it may be a form of communicating something. By showing the child that you are not trying to stop the behavior but actually willing to let it increase, may tell them you are interested in discovering the reason for the behavior without saying as much. Children won’t be able to answer “why are you doing that.” You’ll probably get “I don’t know” as the answer. But, if they sense you are on their side and not against them, they are more likely to divulge information which otherwise would have remained unexpressed.

Paradoxical intervention, sometimes referred to as reverse psychology, needs to be handled with caution as it can backfire. For example, a young child who is refusing to eat dinner can be told they absolutely cannot eat any dinner. Often the child, wanting to be oppositional, will then demand to eat the dinner. But, sometimes they might just say “good” and walk away from the dinner table. Paradoxical intervention is best used when other interventions have not worked. The parent needs to think it through and then give it a try. If it’s not working, simply stop.

Parents need to realize that on their side doing the same thing over and over, like telling their children to stop this or stop that, and hoping for a different result, is, at best, silly. The definition of insanity is somewhat jokingly defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different resul