urf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving s

Good morning potential duffers! I have an appointment with the course pro in a half hour, so let’s make this quick, ok?

I promised to talk to you about the subtleties of golf course design and so I shall.

First, let’s discuss bunkers. Bunkers should be made of 6-inch reinforced concrete and be of the size dictated in the PGA rulebook. They should be planned by putting them on a line parallel to but no less than 25 feet outside of the out of bounds line. While the pros are used to bunkers with 50 caliber machine guns manned by marines, your average local municipal golf course should have cardboard refrigerator boxes manned by homeless volunteers with spit wad shooters.

Your basic howitzers should be on an adjacent piece of high ground and should only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should use the latest technology wave generation devices for the creation of Tsunamis. When the caddy can say with pride, “Awesome surf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving sp

hem on a line parallel to but no less than 25 feet outside of the out of bounds line. While the pros are used to bunkers with 50 caliber machine guns manned by marines, your average local municipal golf course should have cardboard refrigerator boxes manned by homeless volunteers with spit wad shooters.

Your basic howitzers should be on an adjacent piece of high ground and should only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should use the latest technology wave generation devices for the creation of Tsunamis. When the caddy can say with pride, “Awesome surf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving s

ould only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should use the latest technology wave generation devices for the creation of Tsunamis. When the caddy can say with pride, “Awesome surf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving s

use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should use the latest technology wave generation devices for the creation of Tsunamis. When the caddy can say with pride, “Awesome surf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving s

urf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving spectators.

Your fashion conscious designers like VeeJay Klein and Mister Frisky (Fashion consultant to the Starz!) have hotly debated the use of minefields. While some consider the explosive, flower-like dispersal of fairway and green a fashion statement that fairly screams, “Get the Rescue Squad…STAT!” groundskeepers who are anal about divots say they may find themselves in The Upham Hall Psychiatric Facility for the Sod-Deprived.

I suggest that if you find the use of minefields appealing, the good designer will always have grass seed stations at every green, so as to retain good ground staff.

Of course, you will NEVER see them at The Augusta National, but some of your Tournament sites have begun allowing the use of shoulder-fired missiles from the gallery. In view of the rising life insurance costs of some unpopular players and television commentators, we do not recommend them at this time.

Some critics have claimed that the new era of golf course design is a direct result of the billions of dollars that have been made by Sega Game-boy and X-box manufacturers.

PGA officials flatly deny this but do say that hints in the rulebook may indicate that if you are to reach the Mega Master Leader board of Doom, you will have to find the hidden key to the Energizer Bunny of Fate on the third tri-level of the 14th fairway.

Please review your class notes. Your homework for tonight will be an aid to expand your thinking along the lines we’ve talked about today. Your mission, should you ch