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Worrying how other people see you.

Being afraid of rejection.

Being afraid to hurt other people’s feelings.

Hoping that people will figure out what you want and need without you having to say anything.

Does any of these sound familiar to you? If looking at this list you can see yourself in it, I can pretty much guarantee you that your boundaries may need some serious tweaking.

You also need to know this: If you are someone who allows people to push through your boundaries, you by the same token also participate in pushing boundaries when it comes to others. So to make it simple to understand, you are the Pushee and the Pusher. It becomes a two way street.

What I have

Today we are going to talk about Boundaries. Let’s start with defining what boundaries are, what their purpose is in a person’s life and the importance of them. To me the definition of boundaries is this: boundaries are mental, emotional, physical and spiritual lines that define our safe space and enable us to take ownership of our own life. Let me also use this excerpt that I resonate with from the book called Boundary Power.

“When it comes to relationships, Anna Katherine, in her book Boundaries, says that ‘a boundary is a limit or edge that defines us as separate from others.’ Boundaries define ‘where you end and I begin.’ In either case, we can sum up boundaries in this one phrase: ‘I’m not you.’ That is a powerful statement. When we are finally able to grasp that truth for ourselves, we will be well on our way to recovery from the damage that was done to us as a result of abuses in our lives.”

In order for us to have healthy relationships in our lives (starting with ourselves), it is necessary to have a healthy relationship with boundaries. They allow us to become friends with ourselves. If you don’t know what that means, then perhaps now is the time to explore that.

The subject of boundaries is fascinating to me, especially because of my own continually growing and changing relationship with them. The first time I was presented with the concept of boundaries from a conscious place was when I was studying polarity therapy. What I remember, looking back, is having a lot of resistance about the concept. I know now my resistance was there because I wasn’t comfortable with making boundaries and it was very much showing up in all my relationships and all areas of my life. Considering my childhood and where I came from, I’m not at all surprised. There was no clear definition of who I was. Needless to say, boundaries and sense of self go hand in hand. So what does it really mean to have healthy relationship with boundaries? In order to figure that out, let’s look at the behaviors that show the opposite of that.

With that said let’s go to an exercise:

Look at these 13 points and see what your relationship to each of them is. As you look at each one, notice how you respond. If you like, write down what comes up for you. Notice your emotions and possible judgments, if any. It is very likely that the points you have the most emotional charge around hold the most learning for you.

1. Inability to say NO to other people.
2. Putting other people first.
3. Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and experiences.
4. Being nice at all times even when you don’t feel like it.
5. Trying hard to please others.
6. Tendency to fix other people’s problems.
7. Creating attachments when it comes to other people or not letting anybody close at all.
8. Having expectations when helping someone.
9. Not being able to verbalize your needs and desires.
10. Worrying how other people see you.
11. Being afraid of rejection.
12. Being afraid to hurt other people’s feelings.
13. Hoping that people will figure out what you want and need without you having to say anything.

Does any of these sound familiar to you? If looking at this list you can see yourself in it, I can pretty much guarantee you that your boundaries may need some serious tweaking.

You also need to know this: If you are someone who allows people to push through your boundaries, you by the same token also participate in pushing boundaries when it comes to others. So to make it simple to understand, you are the Pushee and the Pusher. It becomes a two way street.

What I have c

erful statement. When we are finally able to grasp that truth for ourselves, we will be well on our way to recovery from the damage that was done to us as a result of abuses in our lives.”

In order for us to have healthy relationships in our lives (starting with ourselves), it is necessary to have a healthy relationship with boundaries. They allow us to become friends with ourselves. If you don’t know what that means, then perhaps now is the time to explore that.

The subject of boundaries is fascinating to me, especially because of my own continually growing and changing relationship with them. The first time I was presented with the concept of boundaries from a conscious place was when I was studying polarity therapy. What I remember, looking back, is having a lot of resistance about the concept. I know now my resistance was there because I wasn’t comfortable with making boundaries and it was very much showing up in all my relationships and all areas of my life. Considering my childhood and where I came from, I’m not at all surprised. There was no clear definition of who I was. Needless to say, boundaries and sense of self go hand in hand. So what does it really mean to have healthy relationship with boundaries? In order to figure that out, let’s look at the behaviors that show the opposite of that.

With that said let’s go to an exercise:

Look at these 13 points and see what your relationship to each of them is. As you look at each one, notice how you respond. If you like, write down what comes up for you. Notice your emotions and possible judgments, if any. It is very likely that the points you have the most emotional charge around hold the most learning for you.

1. Inability to say NO to other people.
2. Putting other people first.
3. Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and experiences.
4. Being nice at all times even when you don’t feel like it.
5. Trying hard to please others.
6. Tendency to fix other people’s problems.
7. Creating attachments when it comes to other people or not letting anybody close at all.
8. Having expectations when helping someone.
9. Not being able to verbalize your needs and desires.
10. Worrying how other people see you.
11. Being afraid of rejection.
12. Being afraid to hurt other people’s feelings.
13. Hoping that people will figure out what you want and need without you having to say anything.

Does any of these sound familiar to you? If looking at this list you can see yourself in it, I can pretty much guarantee you that your boundaries may need some serious tweaking.

You also need to know this: If you are someone who allows people to push through your boundaries, you by the same token also participate in pushing boundaries when it comes to others. So to make it simple to understand, you are the Pushee and the Pusher. It becomes a two way street.

What I have

g back, is having a lot of resistance about the concept. I know now my resistance was there because I wasn’t comfortable with making boundaries and it was very much showing up in all my relationships and all areas of my life. Considering my childhood and where I came from, I’m not at all surprised. There was no clear definition of who I was. Needless to say, boundaries and sense of self go hand in hand. So what does it really mean to have healthy relationship with boundaries? In order to figure that out, let’s look at the behaviors that show the opposite of that.

With that said let’s go to an exercise:

Look at these 13 points and see what your relationship to each of them is. As you look at each one, notice how you respond. If you like, write down what comes up for you. Notice your emotions and possible judgments, if any. It is very likely that the points you have the most emotional charge around hold the most learning for you.

1. Inability to say NO to other people.
2. Putting other people first.
3. Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and experiences.
4. Being nice at all times even when you don’t feel like it.
5. Trying hard to please others.
6. Tendency to fix other people’s problems.
7. Creating attachments when it comes to other people or not letting anybody close at all.
8. Having expectations when helping someone.
9. Not being able to verbalize your needs and desires.
10. Worrying how other people see you.
11. Being afraid of rejection.
12. Being afraid to hurt other people’s feelings.
13. Hoping that people will figure out what you want and need without you having to say anything.

Does any of these sound familiar to you? If looking at this list you can see yourself in it, I can pretty much guarantee you that your boundaries may need some serious tweaking.

You also need to know this: If you are someone who allows people to push through your boundaries, you by the same token also participate in pushing boundaries when it comes to others. So to make it simple to understand, you are the Pushee and the Pusher. It becomes a two way street.

What I have

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