tumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've ac

I've been around a while and always thought infatuation was the domain of the very young and somewhat silly. After all, didn't I have several infatuations when I was 15 or 17? First, there was the girl in a mining company office where I had my first job. She was two years my senior, but sophisticated well above her years. Then there was my friend's mother, 26 years older. And over the ensuing year or two, a couple of others. Then of course, I grew up. Or so I thought.

Once I began having real relationships the very idea of infatuation seemed like a childish pastime. That is until just recently when I fell victim to what I later found is called "limerence", a much more mature form of involuntary infatuation.

You see, there is this woman at work to whom I was attracted not long after we first met. She's very much younger that me and I realised that there was no real opportunity for a meaningful relationship, especially since I'm not only too old for her, I'm also married.

I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if only I could have spent some time with her and been close friends. In fact, my feelings for her were less physical and more about what I perceived as her youthful, exhuberent, lovely personality. And her intelligence. I thought she was great to be around and she made me happy when we were together.

Then I began waking up early only to have her in my thoughts. I'd think of her on and off during every day and when I saw her it was like my dreams had come true ... at least when she talked to me. I couldn't believe that this young lady had taken control of my thoughts with absolutely no knowledge or intention on either her behalf or mine. That's part of what limerence is, what limerence does, even to much older, mature people.

I had never heard the term limerence, but stumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've act

thought.

Once I began having real relationships the very idea of infatuation seemed like a childish pastime. That is until just recently when I fell victim to what I later found is called "limerence", a much more mature form of involuntary infatuation.

You see, there is this woman at work to whom I was attracted not long after we first met. She's very much younger that me and I realised that there was no real opportunity for a meaningful relationship, especially since I'm not only too old for her, I'm also married.

I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if only I could have spent some time with her and been close friends. In fact, my feelings for her were less physical and more about what I perceived as her youthful, exhuberent, lovely personality. And her intelligence. I thought she was great to be around and she made me happy when we were together.

Then I began waking up early only to have her in my thoughts. I'd think of her on and off during every day and when I saw her it was like my dreams had come true ... at least when she talked to me. I couldn't believe that this young lady had taken control of my thoughts with absolutely no knowledge or intention on either her behalf or mine. That's part of what limerence is, what limerence does, even to much older, mature people.

I had never heard the term limerence, but stumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've ac

lationship, especially since I'm not only too old for her, I'm also married.

I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if only I could have spent some time with her and been close friends. In fact, my feelings for her were less physical and more about what I perceived as her youthful, exhuberent, lovely personality. And her intelligence. I thought she was great to be around and she made me happy when we were together.

Then I began waking up early only to have her in my thoughts. I'd think of her on and off during every day and when I saw her it was like my dreams had come true ... at least when she talked to me. I couldn't believe that this young lady had taken control of my thoughts with absolutely no knowledge or intention on either her behalf or mine. That's part of what limerence is, what limerence does, even to much older, mature people.

I had never heard the term limerence, but stumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've ac

g up early only to have her in my thoughts. I'd think of her on and off during every day and when I saw her it was like my dreams had come true ... at least when she talked to me. I couldn't believe that this young lady had taken control of my thoughts with absolutely no knowledge or intention on either her behalf or mine. That's part of what limerence is, what limerence does, even to much older, mature people.

I had never heard the term limerence, but stumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've ac

tumbled upon it during my research to find a solution. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for full details).

My research told me that limerence cases often last for years. One way to dispense with it is to find another limerant object ... really no solution at all. I told myself that I'm too smart, too experienced and simply too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Right?

Apparently not. I've actively avoided contact with my "limerent object" at a number of social events and at work over the past few weeks with the hope that my interest will simply fade away and take with it the emotional rollercoaster that is limerence. That's in fact made me unhappier because I feel that I am being unreasonable to her as an innocent party in all this.

Occasionally, when she passes in a hallway, she gives me a lovely smile and says, "Hi, Robin" and it rocks me to the core. Just seeing her or hearing her voice sends my chemistry into chaos mode.

If only I could find in her some flaw, some bad thing perhaps, that would help change my mind. I can't. To me, she is perfect. It seems that there is simply no escape from limerence. It's a matter of hanging in there and toughing it out.

If you are ever unlucky enough to be caught in the limerence trap I'm afraid you'll just have to ride it out too.

Copyright 2006 Robin Henry