All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act

Friendship

Company

Intimacy

Warmth

Nurturing

Fun

Laughter

2. Then write the opposite and see natures balance in your life

Rejection

Loneliness

Intellect

Cold

Energy sapped

Sadness?

Tears?

Look at this list and know that love is the balance, two sides. See that you simply got support and challenge in perfect balance from your past lover. See if you can really understand that love is a balance, not just pleasure. By doing this exercise you can see where your expectations and the reality of perfect balance differ. Now see if you can find a benefit to all those negatives, and a drawback to all those positives.

3. Then list everything about that person that you found attractive, desired, wanted, needed.

Here is a short list as an example;

Beautiful

Tall

Elegant

Poised

Calm

Soft

Confident

Big Aura

Smiling

Happy

Open hearted

Confident

Generous

Sexy

Dressed well

Now take everything in this list and ask “Where do I have that?”

Instead of separating that person from yourself, you can find everything that you liked in them, you have already. Now this might not be in the same way. They might be tall physically, but you might be tall spiritually or mentally. Try to drill down below the surface. Remembering that there are seven areas of life; spiritual, mental, emotional, social, career, health, financial. Tall, for example can be financial or physical.

Now make a list of all the things you hate in them

Lair

Manipulative

Dishonest

Flirt

Selfish

etc

Now find out where you do those same things, to the same degree. (Nothing is ever missing it just changes in form). Try to drill down below the surface. Remembering that there are seven areas of life; spiritual, mental, emotional, social, career, health, financial. Liar, for example can be financial, emotional or physical.

The purpose of this short exercise is to remove the illusion of grief, to open your heart again, and ensure you are not blocking your heart to the future.

I wished the treasure within you to be known, so I created a mirror: Your Lover;

FACING LOSS

When you lose someone – you have to become them. All the traits in the world are within you. So, when you lose someone, you acknowledge the traits that were in them, in you.

This includes the good and the bad parts of them. So, you might break up from the one you love and then feel grief and sorrow. But there is no need. All the things they did for you, can be done by other people. And all the things you admire or miss in them, are in you. They just need to be bought to the surface.

Say you are a woman and the guy was really attentive. Then you just do that for yourself. You say, “If I loved them for all those things, I can love me for all those things”. And if they lied to you, well you also have that in you, so you better love that in them, otherwise you’ll end up hating it in you.

If you meet someone in the street after you break up and they ask, “Do you miss me?” you can say “No” because you simply became them.

That cross dependency for a lover to bring you qualities that you think you don’t have is very old-fashioned thinking. It’s like cowboy movie stuff, where the men are men, and the sheep are worried. This is so stereotyped behavior. We are in a body, but we have every trait from both masculine and feminine sides.

The stereotype of the gay man being all effeminate, and the gay woman being anything but, is also old thinking, because we know that most of that behavior comes from hating some character trait in their parent. If a gay man hated the aggression of the father, he’ll try to be effeminate in order to avoid being that which he hates. But he is, it’s just usually turned in on himself and can’t be expressed, so it is internalised.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. So aggression is in all of us, everyone. But we express it differently. Some people speak aggression, some people do aggression, some people discriminate, other people get angry and internalise it (this is a common trigger for cancer), some people manipulate, compete in business, judge people, criticise, have high expectations. It is all aggression, the only thing that changes is the level of sophistication. The hurt it causes is identical. Aggression hurts people, we all hurt people, but some do it physically (very primal) and others do it psychically (very sophisticated)

When we say there cannot be peace without war, or a relationship with support, without challenge, this is exactly what we are talking about. At the bottom of the consciousness cone, the challenge might be physical violence, in the middle it might be verbal, and at the top is just a thought, but it all adds up to challenge. One way or another, support and challenge in love are balanced.

So, you simply become the one who you are missing, not by emulating them, but by finding the trait you love in them, in you, and using it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

This one truth can help you overcome the ego’s sense of devastation at losing something it thought was permanent.

To nature, the whole universe is in a state of flux, nothing is fixed, change is the only constant. Dust particles become stars and stars become dust. This is also the answer to your perceived loss on earth. Actually nothing is really missing, it is just outside of the reach of the ego.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. But the ego can only understand the material world. So to your ego, if it isn’t tangible, touchable, it isn’t real. To the ego (your heart, mind and spirit), anything that happens outside of eyeshot, or outside of earshot, is in fact, irrelevant. But it isn’t. Something that happens way over in China is relevant to what you are doing, provided you have a big enough viewpoint.

When somebody leaves, either by dumping you in a relationship, or passing from this earth, they are replaced in all dimensions in your life, except for that one area that is not the domain of the ego, true Love.

All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act o

Now make a list of all the things you hate in them

Lair

Manipulative

Dishonest

Flirt

Selfish

etc

Now find out where you do those same things, to the same degree. (Nothing is ever missing it just changes in form). Try to drill down below the surface. Remembering that there are seven areas of life; spiritual, mental, emotional, social, career, health, financial. Liar, for example can be financial, emotional or physical.

The purpose of this short exercise is to remove the illusion of grief, to open your heart again, and ensure you are not blocking your heart to the future.

I wished the treasure within you to be known, so I created a mirror: Your Lover;

FACING LOSS

When you lose someone – you have to become them. All the traits in the world are within you. So, when you lose someone, you acknowledge the traits that were in them, in you.

This includes the good and the bad parts of them. So, you might break up from the one you love and then feel grief and sorrow. But there is no need. All the things they did for you, can be done by other people. And all the things you admire or miss in them, are in you. They just need to be bought to the surface.

Say you are a woman and the guy was really attentive. Then you just do that for yourself. You say, “If I loved them for all those things, I can love me for all those things”. And if they lied to you, well you also have that in you, so you better love that in them, otherwise you’ll end up hating it in you.

If you meet someone in the street after you break up and they ask, “Do you miss me?” you can say “No” because you simply became them.

That cross dependency for a lover to bring you qualities that you think you don’t have is very old-fashioned thinking. It’s like cowboy movie stuff, where the men are men, and the sheep are worried. This is so stereotyped behavior. We are in a body, but we have every trait from both masculine and feminine sides.

The stereotype of the gay man being all effeminate, and the gay woman being anything but, is also old thinking, because we know that most of that behavior comes from hating some character trait in their parent. If a gay man hated the aggression of the father, he’ll try to be effeminate in order to avoid being that which he hates. But he is, it’s just usually turned in on himself and can’t be expressed, so it is internalised.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. So aggression is in all of us, everyone. But we express it differently. Some people speak aggression, some people do aggression, some people discriminate, other people get angry and internalise it (this is a common trigger for cancer), some people manipulate, compete in business, judge people, criticise, have high expectations. It is all aggression, the only thing that changes is the level of sophistication. The hurt it causes is identical. Aggression hurts people, we all hurt people, but some do it physically (very primal) and others do it psychically (very sophisticated)

When we say there cannot be peace without war, or a relationship with support, without challenge, this is exactly what we are talking about. At the bottom of the consciousness cone, the challenge might be physical violence, in the middle it might be verbal, and at the top is just a thought, but it all adds up to challenge. One way or another, support and challenge in love are balanced.

So, you simply become the one who you are missing, not by emulating them, but by finding the trait you love in them, in you, and using it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

This one truth can help you overcome the ego’s sense of devastation at losing something it thought was permanent.

To nature, the whole universe is in a state of flux, nothing is fixed, change is the only constant. Dust particles become stars and stars become dust. This is also the answer to your perceived loss on earth. Actually nothing is really missing, it is just outside of the reach of the ego.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. But the ego can only understand the material world. So to your ego, if it isn’t tangible, touchable, it isn’t real. To the ego (your heart, mind and spirit), anything that happens outside of eyeshot, or outside of earshot, is in fact, irrelevant. But it isn’t. Something that happens way over in China is relevant to what you are doing, provided you have a big enough viewpoint.

When somebody leaves, either by dumping you in a relationship, or passing from this earth, they are replaced in all dimensions in your life, except for that one area that is not the domain of the ego, true Love.

All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act

If you meet someone in the street after you break up and they ask, “Do you miss me?” you can say “No” because you simply became them.

That cross dependency for a lover to bring you qualities that you think you don’t have is very old-fashioned thinking. It’s like cowboy movie stuff, where the men are men, and the sheep are worried. This is so stereotyped behavior. We are in a body, but we have every trait from both masculine and feminine sides.

The stereotype of the gay man being all effeminate, and the gay woman being anything but, is also old thinking, because we know that most of that behavior comes from hating some character trait in their parent. If a gay man hated the aggression of the father, he’ll try to be effeminate in order to avoid being that which he hates. But he is, it’s just usually turned in on himself and can’t be expressed, so it is internalised.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. So aggression is in all of us, everyone. But we express it differently. Some people speak aggression, some people do aggression, some people discriminate, other people get angry and internalise it (this is a common trigger for cancer), some people manipulate, compete in business, judge people, criticise, have high expectations. It is all aggression, the only thing that changes is the level of sophistication. The hurt it causes is identical. Aggression hurts people, we all hurt people, but some do it physically (very primal) and others do it psychically (very sophisticated)

When we say there cannot be peace without war, or a relationship with support, without challenge, this is exactly what we are talking about. At the bottom of the consciousness cone, the challenge might be physical violence, in the middle it might be verbal, and at the top is just a thought, but it all adds up to challenge. One way or another, support and challenge in love are balanced.

So, you simply become the one who you are missing, not by emulating them, but by finding the trait you love in them, in you, and using it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

This one truth can help you overcome the ego’s sense of devastation at losing something it thought was permanent.

To nature, the whole universe is in a state of flux, nothing is fixed, change is the only constant. Dust particles become stars and stars become dust. This is also the answer to your perceived loss on earth. Actually nothing is really missing, it is just outside of the reach of the ego.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. But the ego can only understand the material world. So to your ego, if it isn’t tangible, touchable, it isn’t real. To the ego (your heart, mind and spirit), anything that happens outside of eyeshot, or outside of earshot, is in fact, irrelevant. But it isn’t. Something that happens way over in China is relevant to what you are doing, provided you have a big enough viewpoint.

When somebody leaves, either by dumping you in a relationship, or passing from this earth, they are replaced in all dimensions in your life, except for that one area that is not the domain of the ego, true Love.

All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act

When we say there cannot be peace without war, or a relationship with support, without challenge, this is exactly what we are talking about. At the bottom of the consciousness cone, the challenge might be physical violence, in the middle it might be verbal, and at the top is just a thought, but it all adds up to challenge. One way or another, support and challenge in love are balanced.

So, you simply become the one who you are missing, not by emulating them, but by finding the trait you love in them, in you, and using it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

This one truth can help you overcome the ego’s sense of devastation at losing something it thought was permanent.

To nature, the whole universe is in a state of flux, nothing is fixed, change is the only constant. Dust particles become stars and stars become dust. This is also the answer to your perceived loss on earth. Actually nothing is really missing, it is just outside of the reach of the ego.

Nothing is missing, it just changes form. But the ego can only understand the material world. So to your ego, if it isn’t tangible, touchable, it isn’t real. To the ego (your heart, mind and spirit), anything that happens outside of eyeshot, or outside of earshot, is in fact, irrelevant. But it isn’t. Something that happens way over in China is relevant to what you are doing, provided you have a big enough viewpoint.

When somebody leaves, either by dumping you in a relationship, or passing from this earth, they are replaced in all dimensions in your life, except for that one area that is not the domain of the ego, true Love.

All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act

All the suffering comes in the form of grief, because we are so caught in the ego mind, we cannot see the new buds forming on the blossom tree. Nothing is missing. But your heart is aching because you think it is. If you can find a little moment to sit in nature and contemplate this, you will heal your grief permanently and immediately.

Step 1. Sit in nature where you cannot be interrupted

Step 2. Think of all you miss about them

Step 3. Think of how all those things have been replaced since they left

Now this step needs you to think like nature, not like you. Then you say, if nature gives, she’s like a mother, she gives what you need, not always what you want. So nature gives you everything that they were giving, but not always in the same way. They might have hugged you and nobody is hugging you, but the cat purrs more, so you feel a bit comfortable, and 1/100th of their cuddles is replaced by the cat. Or a friend keeps ringing to check on you and they never did before, so their cuddles are like phone calls. Or the ice cream is comforting you. Nothing is missing, and inch by inch, 1/1000th of a degree at a time, you will find that all the things you say are the problem, aren’t the problem at all. The real issue is there. Love. Because no one can replace their love. No one. And then you have to remember my story sitting on that beach, almost going crazy trying to fix everything from my divorce, and then discovering that my love for my children didn’t need them to act on it. I could love them, and they would feel it no matter where.

One guy, lets call him B, came to me for a consult. He was devastated. Dribbling everywhere on my nice new Tibetan rug. His father had just died. He was a dribbling, drooling, blubbering mess. I asked, “Why are you crying?” and he replied, “Because I love my father and he died.” I replied, “I know your father died, and I know you love him, but why are you crying?” He answered, “Because he’s dead and he won’t be here anymore”, and I asked “So how bloody long did you expect the poor old bastard to live. I mean, goodness, he was 92 wasn’t he?” B replied, “I DON”T WANT HIM TO DIE. I WANT HIM TO LIVE FOREVER!” I asked in a quiet tone, “Why. What were you holding onto that you couldn’t let go of?” He lost it, “I hated him. I HATED THE WAY HE TREATED MY MUM!” I asked, “So, one part of you hated him, one part loved him and you were stuck in between, half way?” He screamed, “YES, YES, I HATED HIM AND I LOVED HIM and so I could never be honest with him, or me”. I went on, “But he can’t hurt your mum without helping her, nor can he hurt her more than she was hurting herself. How did he help her, what did the hurt make her do?” His sobbing stopped, he looked up, he got it, his heart opened, his eyes, once filled with tears now became watery glazed, his father appeared by his side, and he spoke so softy, “I love you dad” and smiled.

You might think this is a made up story, or it didn’t happen. That’s ok. It did, and it has been repeated thousands of times everywhere I go. Nothing is missing, we just get stuck in our ego, half way, blocked, unable to be honest, unable to have a real perspective, unable to release our love. This is a real perspective, a real context for our life, either act with spontaneity and allow the ripples to flow or find that stillness in which objectivity emerges. Objectivity always reveals the inspiration, the laws of nature, sitting behind the ego, just waiting to be discovered.

Alive

Alive but dead

Relationship without love

Work without passion

Friendship without compassion

Success without integrity

Spirit in a bottle

Passion in a cup

Life is more than this

BUILDING ON SOLID GROUND

Everything worth doing is done with an open heart

What comes from the heart, lives forever

The difference between Ego and heart is “I”

Often, in the darkest hour, the heart becomes illuminated

Healing is complete when the heart is open

What is given without love is a thorn disguised

In the light of day, an open heart simply reflects the light of the sun

People come and go but a heart once opened, never forgets

Once there was a wise old monk, and a ragged traveler approached him begging to become a student. The monk agreed on one condition, “You may become my student for as long as you want, the day you can tell me how to clean the mud from the water in that bucket”. The traveler placed the bucket filled with muddy water on the table. After a while the mud had sunk to the bottom of the bucket. The water in the bucket was clear; the mud had sunk to the bottom. The traveler immediately put his hand in the water to grasp the mud and throw it out, but as he raised his hand through the water, most of the mud slipped through his fingers and the water once again, become clouded.

The traveler threw the bucket aside and raced to the monastery. “Master, master, I have found the key”, said the traveler. “Then share it”, said the monk. The traveler replied, “You see, I discovered that while I was wanting the water to be clean, I kept disturbing the mud, and while I was trying to get rid of it, I was keeping the mud afloat in the water. But when I stopped it just came to rest, and settled into calm, the mud sank to the bottom, and I was left with clean water. So I learned that it is the wrong intent, I must learn to rest with equal favor at the mud and the water. The mud is my ego, it is always there and if I do not judge it, then it wont affect the water. The mud is my Ego, the water is my love for life”

The monk answered, “Now, you are welcome to stay in my monastery, but I fear that you have no further need for it. You will have love and happiness.”