ver, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I

My divorce proceedings were well under way. I was finally starting to feel safe and was beginning to build a new life.

Things had been going so good for me. I was finally happy. I had moved into my new apartment and had a new boyfriend. The joy of carrying a baby finally past three months was a bonus. I thought that if I got past the first trimester things would be fine.

We were going to be divorced in a few months. < The whole time I was married, I had longed to have a baby. Every month I would wait and then be crushed with disappointment when my period would come. He and his family constantly harped at me about not giving him a child. During that 3 years time, each one of my sisters-in-laws had babies and I cried. I had done everything possible to conceive. I had taken my temperature every morning, checked for the best ovulation dates and took fertility pills.

I had got pregnant two other times but always miscarried in the first trimester. Finally I had made it past the first trimester and I was 5 months pregnant. I thought if he knew, he would contest the divorce or worse want me to go back to him and that abusive relationship. I was still terrified of him and I was not going to jeopardize my baby or my divorce. I still remember that morning like it was yesterday. I had awakened in a lot of pain. I had started spotting and cramping bad and I knew there was something wrong with the baby. My boyfriend had left to go fishing and I called my girlfriend as soon as he left. She had been through this same scenario 3 years before when she had miscarried.

"I'm pregnant and something is wrong. I need to go to the hospital," I said. She was there in about 10 minutes and we were sitting at the hospital in emergency waiting for the doctor in less than 15 minutes. I was in the hospital for approximately 2 hours before I saw a doctor. Here I was dealing with this all alone. I could have told him about the baby, what purpose would it serve to hurt him again. We had already lost two babies because of miscarriage. One happened on our honeymoon because of violence and other one was the stress of keeping our secret. After the first baby died, he was not supportive. I wanted to tell him the stress of our divorce and my fear of him was causing me to lose another baby.<

I thought if I just waited until the baby was born the divorce would be final and I would have sole custody. He would not question the baby's paternity because I was already in another relationship. We had both moved on with our lives why should I tell him any different. Well I did not have to worry about that now.

The doctor just said, "You are so young you can have other babies." However, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I

me, each one of my sisters-in-laws had babies and I cried. I had done everything possible to conceive. I had taken my temperature every morning, checked for the best ovulation dates and took fertility pills.

I had got pregnant two other times but always miscarried in the first trimester. Finally I had made it past the first trimester and I was 5 months pregnant. I thought if he knew, he would contest the divorce or worse want me to go back to him and that abusive relationship. I was still terrified of him and I was not going to jeopardize my baby or my divorce. I still remember that morning like it was yesterday. I had awakened in a lot of pain. I had started spotting and cramping bad and I knew there was something wrong with the baby. My boyfriend had left to go fishing and I called my girlfriend as soon as he left. She had been through this same scenario 3 years before when she had miscarried.

"I'm pregnant and something is wrong. I need to go to the hospital," I said. She was there in about 10 minutes and we were sitting at the hospital in emergency waiting for the doctor in less than 15 minutes. I was in the hospital for approximately 2 hours before I saw a doctor. Here I was dealing with this all alone. I could have told him about the baby, what purpose would it serve to hurt him again. We had already lost two babies because of miscarriage. One happened on our honeymoon because of violence and other one was the stress of keeping our secret. After the first baby died, he was not supportive. I wanted to tell him the stress of our divorce and my fear of him was causing me to lose another baby.<

I thought if I just waited until the baby was born the divorce would be final and I would have sole custody. He would not question the baby's paternity because I was already in another relationship. We had both moved on with our lives why should I tell him any different. Well I did not have to worry about that now.

The doctor just said, "You are so young you can have other babies." However, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I

tting and cramping bad and I knew there was something wrong with the baby. My boyfriend had left to go fishing and I called my girlfriend as soon as he left. She had been through this same scenario 3 years before when she had miscarried.

"I'm pregnant and something is wrong. I need to go to the hospital," I said. She was there in about 10 minutes and we were sitting at the hospital in emergency waiting for the doctor in less than 15 minutes. I was in the hospital for approximately 2 hours before I saw a doctor. Here I was dealing with this all alone. I could have told him about the baby, what purpose would it serve to hurt him again. We had already lost two babies because of miscarriage. One happened on our honeymoon because of violence and other one was the stress of keeping our secret. After the first baby died, he was not supportive. I wanted to tell him the stress of our divorce and my fear of him was causing me to lose another baby.<

I thought if I just waited until the baby was born the divorce would be final and I would have sole custody. He would not question the baby's paternity because I was already in another relationship. We had both moved on with our lives why should I tell him any different. Well I did not have to worry about that now.

The doctor just said, "You are so young you can have other babies." However, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I

because of miscarriage. One happened on our honeymoon because of violence and other one was the stress of keeping our secret. After the first baby died, he was not supportive. I wanted to tell him the stress of our divorce and my fear of him was causing me to lose another baby.<

I thought if I just waited until the baby was born the divorce would be final and I would have sole custody. He would not question the baby's paternity because I was already in another relationship. We had both moved on with our lives why should I tell him any different. Well I did not have to worry about that now.

The doctor just said, "You are so young you can have other babies." However, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I

ver, was that really true given my track record. I thought how typical of a resident who works in emergency with no bedside manner or training in grief counseling.

My best friend tried to console me to no avail. Around six p.m. she took me home. I think that was one of the worst nights of my life. Here I was alone and I had just lost my child with nobody to talk to. What was wrong with me why could I not share my pain with the people who loved me? When I finally did share how I felt about it to people they just said "Don't worry you'll get over it, give yourself some time." I will never get over it, for that baby was my own flesh and blood. It was a life that I had created and I will grieve it like the two children before it. I may not of loved its father but I loved that baby. If people want to help somebody get over the loss, allow them the time they need to experience the feelings. We also need the time to grieve for the loss of a child. It took me a long time to understand and "get on with life." I could ask why forever but never get an answer. I have learned that nothing ever happens by mistake in this world. We will never understand why some things happen in our lives.