relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealisUnfortunately, the alignment period is also the stage which coincides with people reaching their forties or fifties; when career fortunes are changing, and not always for the better; when children are leaving home to begin their own lives and when insecure people of low esteem start to look back at the past with longing, to bemoan what they did not do and wish things were different. A time of feeling secure on one hand but rather unsettled on the other. A time which could bring fresh trouble as yearnings rise to the surface.

The danger now is of the couple’s expectations diverging and each following her/his own interest without ever meeting in the middle, especially for the congenial types. Even though they both share a history, there is a gradual realisation that each partner’s path in life may be different. The physical side of the relationship might have settled down and become mundane and predictable but the emotional turmoil could be just about to begin! Experts say this is the second most common stage for counselling or divorce.

The problem is an over-involvement with the outside world and the relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealist

t to look back at the past with longing, to bemoan what they did not do and wish things were different. A time of feeling secure on one hand but rather unsettled on the other. A time which could bring fresh trouble as yearnings rise to the surface.

The danger now is of the couple’s expectations diverging and each following her/his own interest without ever meeting in the middle, especially for the congenial types. Even though they both share a history, there is a gradual realisation that each partner’s path in life may be different. The physical side of the relationship might have settled down and become mundane and predictable but the emotional turmoil could be just about to begin! Experts say this is the second most common stage for counselling or divorce.

The problem is an over-involvement with the outside world and the relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealis

uple’s expectations diverging and each following her/his own interest without ever meeting in the middle, especially for the congenial types. Even though they both share a history, there is a gradual realisation that each partner’s path in life may be different. The physical side of the relationship might have settled down and become mundane and predictable but the emotional turmoil could be just about to begin! Experts say this is the second most common stage for counselling or divorce.

The problem is an over-involvement with the outside world and the relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealis

f the relationship might have settled down and become mundane and predictable but the emotional turmoil could be just about to begin! Experts say this is the second most common stage for counselling or divorce.

The problem is an over-involvement with the outside world and the relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealis

relationship itself being neglected. One example is of a partner being caught up in the responsibilities of work while the other is engrossed in clubs and voluntary activities. Or even worse, one partner being denied sex because the other does not feel like it anymore but unrealistically expects their spouse to do without that essential part of the relationship for the rest of their life. That is precisely when partners are likely to look outside for comfort, appreciation and relief.

The Need to Nurture Each Other
Relationships must be continually nurtured to have any chance of longevity. As one advisor says, there needs to be time for four parties in the relationship: “For you, for me, for us and for them”, which is difficult sometimes, but choices must be made. She suggests a litmus test of where you may be in your relationship just now: “If your spouse and children are away for a while, who gets the first hug upon their return?” If it’s the dog, she advises that it’s time to take a better look at the ‘us’ part of the equation! Non-alignment creeps in because, at first, it feels good to stop trying to change your partner and to accept him for what he is, but life is also about growing and no one feels comfortable living with a fossilised relic.

As we grow older we also become more intolerant of what we dislike and whatever irritates us. So, should the al