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Hub You - Difficult Relationships at Work - Dealing with Workplace Conflict
Oftentimes leaders say they are eager for opinions about their performance. In many cases, they honestly do want it. Some say they are open to feedback, but their behavior says otherwise. People in leadership roles can find it challenging to go about getting honest feedback concerning their job performance. Many executives hire coaches and consultants like me to collect feedback anonymously from people who otherwise would be uncomfortable offering opinions. We, as neutral parties, can report what we learn without fear of reprisal.Jerry, the deputy director of a large non-profit organization, told me that he is confident in his talent as a leader and is committed to improving his skill. During our first session, we decided to do a 360 assessment to step up his growth. We used an on-line survey tool to gather feedback from his boss, his peers, direct reporters, and his customers. Jerry was excited about the process and eager to hear what people had to say.The feedback
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this
Telecommunications is the lifeline of any business. So every business unit has to maintain a telecommunications network for its multifarious in-house and out-sourced operations—maintaining and expanding its client base, making supplies of finished products, getting raw materials if it is a manufacturing unit, advertising, liaison work with government and other agencies, and engaging lawyers and auditors, distributors, agents, offices and staff in other cities, besides the in-house communication with staff in different departments.In fact, each employee in the office and in the field requires a telephone, and in some cases more than one, to optimize the quality and quantity of the services. While a vast telephone network is imperative for running the business operations smoothly, the chances of lapses occurring in your own office and, more importantly, in the billing of the telephone company (resulting in the loss of precious revenues in paying unjust bills) can never be ru
We rely on and spend more time with our colleagues than with most other people in our lives: yet we frequently experience conflict at work. This is a problem that is beginning to be recognised, but it is still not being dealt with either effectively or sufficiently. Conflict is such a broad term for what can be experienced, ranging from office gossip to outright bullying. In nearly every single office there are always going to be personality clashes at some point, and most of the time they will be fairly easily sorted out. However, sometimes they aren't and there is often no other option than to resign. The real problem underlying this situation is that people really don't have the skills to deal with these kinds of situations. They frequently accept the problem when it is happening and then get really upset afterwards.
The Five Strategies for Dealing with Conflict
1. Avoidance
This is the most frequently used strategy along with accommodation. Here conflict is avoided and when it does appear the person using this strategy refuses to engage in the situation.
Example: Someone making a sly comment and the person it was aimed at simply walking away.
While this obviously is not a good way of dealing with conflict the majority of the time as it tends not to help, it is worth being considered as a strategy for when the conflict is just not worth the effort of being addressed.
2. Accommodation
Here you take the conflict and submit.
Example: Listening to unhelpful criticism and believing it.
Again, very frequently used especially where there is low confidence and self-esteem. This is another not very successful method of dealing with conflict, but it will do if you know that there is a solution coming soon.
3. Compete
This one means that you play the person at his or her own game and work hard to get your own way in the conflict.
Example: Someone starts spreading rumours about you, so you do the same in return in an attempt to discredit the power of the other person's word.
This can be very useful when the conflict is mild and you are passionate about your stance, but can lead to a vicious circle as the conflict escalates. Be very sure you want to use this strategy as lowering yourself to someone else's level rarely shows you in the best light.
4. Compromise
A much more useful tactic to use: here you don't give in to the conflict, but work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.
Example: Someone delegates a huge amount of work to your already over-filled plate, you respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person parcel out the rest to other people.
This is the strategy of choice for most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in real life - and so it is a behaviour we all know about. This can of course lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the sides happy. This is best to use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on - with the issue having relatively little significance.
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this
Many people think that once they have had one or two jobs in a particular field, that they are locked into it for the rest of their careers. If you’re not happy with the field you are working in now, that can be quite a discouraging thought considering that you could remain in the job force for as long as 40 years!Never lose hope! You can make a change to find work you enjoy at a fair salary, it just takes a little planning. First, you need to try to identify what kind of work would interest you. Here’s one way to start to identify the areas to explore.First: Take an honest assessment of what you enjoy doing. Grab a pen and paper to make a list of the hobbies and activities that bring you the most joy. Are there particular areas that you have an interest in—i.e. history, current events, or the arts? Think of examples of your successes in past jobs, classes or volunteer organizations. What activities or tasks did you enjoy? Did you like working with people in
The Five Strategies for Dealing with Conflict
1. Avoidance
This is the most frequently used strategy along with accommodation. Here conflict is avoided and when it does appear the person using this strategy refuses to engage in the situation.
Example: Someone making a sly comment and the person it was aimed at simply walking away.
While this obviously is not a good way of dealing with conflict the majority of the time as it tends not to help, it is worth being considered as a strategy for when the conflict is just not worth the effort of being addressed.
2. Accommodation
Here you take the conflict and submit.
Example: Listening to unhelpful criticism and believing it.
Again, very frequently used especially where there is low confidence and self-esteem. This is another not very successful method of dealing with conflict, but it will do if you know that there is a solution coming soon.
3. Compete
This one means that you play the person at his or her own game and work hard to get your own way in the conflict.
Example: Someone starts spreading rumours about you, so you do the same in return in an attempt to discredit the power of the other person's word.
This can be very useful when the conflict is mild and you are passionate about your stance, but can lead to a vicious circle as the conflict escalates. Be very sure you want to use this strategy as lowering yourself to someone else's level rarely shows you in the best light.
4. Compromise
A much more useful tactic to use: here you don't give in to the conflict, but work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.
Example: Someone delegates a huge amount of work to your already over-filled plate, you respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person parcel out the rest to other people.
This is the strategy of choice for most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in real life - and so it is a behaviour we all know about. This can of course lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the sides happy. This is best to use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on - with the issue having relatively little significance.
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this
You have arrived at your appointment for a job interview two hours early because you didn’t want to be late. Now you have found the place where the company told you they would meet you for the interview but you have time on your hands. What should you do? Go across the street for another cup of coffee to calm your nerves? Read the Good Housekeeping magazine sitting on the table in the lobby? Go to the ladies room and look for makeup smudges?You can use this gift of free time to help prepare yourself for the best interview you have ever had. Here is a list of suggestions to make the most of your waiting time.1) DO find the ladies or gents room and take use the facilities. Nothing is more embarrassing than having to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom during an interview. While in the restroom, check your clothing for any stains or runs in the stockings. Look at your face in the mirror and refresh your makeup if needed. Be sure you don’t leave the rest room wi
Here you take the conflict and submit.
Example: Listening to unhelpful criticism and believing it.
Again, very frequently used especially where there is low confidence and self-esteem. This is another not very successful method of dealing with conflict, but it will do if you know that there is a solution coming soon.
3. Compete
This one means that you play the person at his or her own game and work hard to get your own way in the conflict.
Example: Someone starts spreading rumours about you, so you do the same in return in an attempt to discredit the power of the other person's word.
This can be very useful when the conflict is mild and you are passionate about your stance, but can lead to a vicious circle as the conflict escalates. Be very sure you want to use this strategy as lowering yourself to someone else's level rarely shows you in the best light.
4. Compromise
A much more useful tactic to use: here you don't give in to the conflict, but work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.
Example: Someone delegates a huge amount of work to your already over-filled plate, you respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person parcel out the rest to other people.
This is the strategy of choice for most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in real life - and so it is a behaviour we all know about. This can of course lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the sides happy. This is best to use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on - with the issue having relatively little significance.
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this
Paper shredders are used in a number of situations. Doctors, dentists, and psychologists use them to protect their clients’ private medical information. Private citizens use them to destroy papers that contain important financial information. Businesses use them to protect themselves from corporate espionage and information theft. Paper shredders cost between $15 and $130, depending on their features.There are a large number of paper shredders on the market. The two main types are strip cut and cross cut. Strip cut paper shredders slice the paper into thin vertical ribbons. They are good in many situations, but they are not recommended for people requiring maximum security. Cross cut paper shredders cut documents into tiny bits of paper that are nearly impossible to reassemble. Cross cut paper shredders are generally better than strip shredders for high security situations, but they are also more expensive.Another thing to consider when buying a paper shredd
4. Compromise
A much more useful tactic to use: here you don't give in to the conflict, but work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.
Example: Someone delegates a huge amount of work to your already over-filled plate, you respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person parcel out the rest to other people.
This is the strategy of choice for most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in real life - and so it is a behaviour we all know about. This can of course lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the sides happy. This is best to use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on - with the issue having relatively little significance.
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this
Inherent within the human spirit is a desire for fulfillment, a longing to carry out our creative aspirations by reaching new heights of accomplishment. Yet often the yearning for fulfillment can be suppressed by fear and apprehension. Perhaps we aren’t feeling good enough, smart enough or able enough to pursue and fulfill our dreams.Uncover Your True Passion!If you are considering a change in your career direction or wish to enhance your business to a new level, but are hesitant to make the transition, let me assure you that it is never too late to choose anew. As a matter of fact, many people change career directions several times throughout a lifetime and some don’t even discover their true passions until much later in life. So, if you are not living your career dreams or if you’re ready to take the plunge by trying something new, now is the time to take a stand and simply do it.Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone!For sure the one inevitable way you wo
5. Collaborate
The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Example 1:
You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2:
Someone is bullying you at work. You talk to this person using the strategies below and collaborate on modifying their behaviour.
Use this strategy when the goal is to meet as many of the current needs as is possible. The most difficult strategy if confidence is low as it involves actually naming the issue to the conflict-creator, which can cause huge anxiety and fear.
To collaborate successfully on an issue such as bullying or continuing conflict you need to follow a few basic guidelines.
- You must recognise that part of the problem is your own fault: you allowed it to happen and did not try to address it to begin with. You can use this aloud and actively take part of the responsibility, as this will put the onus onto the other person to take the other part of the responsibility.
- Remember that we frequently don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves, but find occasionally anyway. Be very sure that you have not committed the same conflict and that you do not in the future.
- Manage yourself during the resolution attempt - learn calming strategies if you are hot-tempered, or confidence boosters if you are shy. Try not to be emotional, as emotion will only make things escalate.
- Maintain eye contact and use your body language to convey your belief in what you are saying. Don't fiddle with something nervously, don't cross your arms protectively, and don't put yourself on a lower level than the other person (such as sitting on a lower chair).
- Don't believe that the best defence is a good offence - that is part of the Competing strategy.
- Work the issue, not the person: this means addressing the behaviour rather than the entire existence of that person. There is a different level of ownership for behaviours, and people will take less offence if you criticise their behaviour than if you criticise them personally. Never lay blame, as this will only fan the fires.
- If you are not getting anywhere, ask for further information from the other person about the reasons for their behaviour, but don't ask the questions with 'why' at the beginning - if you do this will actively put the other person under the spotlight and they will get defensive.
Remember above all, that people who enjoy creating conflict are ultimately power-seekers who enjoy controlling others. Frequently this is because either they have suffered in a similar way before or feel that they have very little control over their own lives and does anything they can to feel in control. A little compassion will take you a long way both in resolving the situation and in putting it behind you when it is resolved.
A Final Word on Bullying
Dr Gary Namie, co-founder and president of the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, conducted an online survey of 1,000 people who claimed to have been bullied at work, finding that 37% were eventually fired, and 33% quit their jobs. In a reversal of the typical childhood bullying scenario, in which unpopular and apparently weak kids are picked on most, adult victims in the
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